TRUST

TRUST is defined as having faith in and reliance on the integrity, ability or character of a person.

We say we trust all kinds of people in our lives: our parents, our spouses, our children, teachers, government officials (not really so much), police officers, ministers and I used to believe DOCTORS!

Of course, we all trust God, right?  

At least we give lip service to doing so.

I believe we all WANT to trust Him, but if we were honest we would admit that we trust him if he will have things turn out the way WE want them to.

If they don't then we all begin to have doubts:  Is He listening to us?  Is He really there?  How could this be in our best interest.

Hmmm....this is something I have had issues with all of my life, and even more so  since June 23, 2007. 

She wasn't supposed to live...........but she did!
She wasn't supposed to wake up..........but she did!
They didn't want me to take her home.........but I did!

Let me just say, I no longer blindly trust doctors.......never have really......but don't put much trust in them at all anymore.  Yet here we are.  I must put my precious Melaney in the hands of doctors yet again.  Needless to say, these are new docs,  a supposedly fantastic Neurosurgeon at Children's Hospital and our doc that we have had for nearly 3 years now.  I do trust her, at least I believe she has Mel's best interest at heart.  She has proven herself over the last 3 years.  For nearly 2 years of that time she has been trying to convince me to go with a surgical procedure that will lessen Mel's spasticity and hopefully increase her alertness by taking away an oral medication that makes her drowsy due to the high dose she is on.

The only problem is that I am a control freak and this involves implanting a 3 inch pump under the skin in her abdomen and running a catheter from said pump around under the skin to her spine and advancing it up her spine into her neck to administer continuous medication to get rid of her spasticity.  I have issues with something I can't see or regulate pumping medication into my daughter.  On the other hand, this will give her much greater relief (that's what they tell me) from her spasticity and it does not have the nasty side effects of the oral med.  HOWEVER, as with all things, it is not without serious risks if the pump or catheter fails.  I will have to be able to read Mel's symptoms without her being able to tell me what is wrong.  We are soul mates, it is true, but I will have to be able to trust my instincts to know if it is the pump or something else going on. I have spent hundreds of hours on the internet researching this little baclofen pump.

This is where trust in God comes in!!

She wasn't supposed to smile.......but she does!
She wasn't supposed to laugh.........but she does!

I have prayed unceasingly for the last 2 years for guidance in this matter. It is a huge decision to make for someone else, especially your child.   Mel's doctor pointed out that in reality it was either give the pump a try or be satisfied with where she is.  
I realized we needed to move forward.  This is her chance to be free of painful and movement limiting spasticity. 
I trust my God!
He is in control!  

She wasn't supposed to LOVE.......but she does!

God has blessed us so much with his healing power and love.
I gave Melaney's recovery up to God and he has done wonders.
I know that with prayer he is capable of so much more.
So once more I am placing her in his hands.
I am also asking him to guide the surgeon as he cares for her.

We all love her so much and are amazed at her strength and spirit.

We choose to live and love what she CAN do.
We choose to look forward and TRUST God.

I ask for all of your prayers tomorrow as she goes into surgery at 7:30am.
I ask for your prayers as she recovers and moves forward.
Again we EXPECT A MIRACLE!




Expect A Miracle...